Fat Man Buys Smart Car

Nomis Etagni, the world's fattest man, has gone and bought himself a Smart car!! This poor decision adds on to a long list of bad decisions he has made in the past, like the time he met a Manc woman off the internet, and got VD for his trouble, and the time he bought a house on a granny estate that turned out to be falling down!! Now experts fear that the fat in his body has eaten the part of his brain that makes decision, resulting in a catalogue of awful choices. Dr Whambam Thankyoumam, of The University Of Kelvedon has done extensive research into Mr Etagni's previous decisions, and has come up with this shocking theory. He stated that "Mr Nomis Etagni has made an extremely large amount of bad decisions over the course of his life. Most individuals make an average of 5 in their lifetime, but he has made hundreds in a relatively short space of time. I therefore conclude that he is so fat that after he got off the carousel the horse limped for a week. Also, that his fat has eaten part of his brain".

The Wanky Times advice to Mr Etagni is go on a diet immediately, before your whole brain gets eaten, or you become so fat that you have to put your belt on with a boomerang. Think of your poor, fat little kids, and the abuse they will suffer at school, getting called names like "Eeee Fatty Boom Boom", and "Pie Eater". Do something before it's too late, if not for yourself, then for your kids!