Fat Man's £36,000 Pie Debt!

World renowned fat man Nomis Etagni has secretly run up a £36,000 debt on pies, it emerged last tonight. Etagni, who is married, allegedley ran up the bill without his wife's knowledge. He was able to hide it from his wife by using wet wipes to clean his face after his mammouth gorging sessions. A spokesman for Mr Etagni had this to say "Mr Etagni likes pies. His particular favourites are Pukka Pies, if he gets them from the chippy, or if he gets them, say, from the Co-op, then he likes those ones in the tin that you have to open with a tin opener, you know the ones, Fray Bentos, that's it". Mr & Mrs Etagni were unavailable for comment, as Mrs Etagni was busy handing back their Seat Leon VW Golf Audi A3 to the finance company, and Mr Etagni is grounded, so we made this up - "Nomis has been a very naughty boy by running up £36,000 of debt on pies. I have taken away his Facebook to punish him. He is also not allowed to play out anymore unless I ok it first, and he isn't allowed to talk to anyone either. He certainly isn't allowed in any shops that sell pastry based savoury goods, which isn't just limited to pies. I hope he has learnt a big lesson, as we now can't afford to get our ramshackled house fixed, and have had to hire a blind man to put all our shelves up wonky. He is grounded for the foreseeable future, and now has to do everything I say, more than he did anyway before this". Mr Etagni may or may not have said "I ain't allowed no pies no more. I thought I was for a minute when me wife said I would have to go cold turkey. I thought that cold turkey was a pie flavour, but it don't mean that, it means I can't have any pies ever again. I'm so sad. I love pies I do. My favourite are Pukka Pies from the chippy, and Fray Bentos from the Co-op. I might have to eat dog food to get my fix, as that smells like beef and onion pies". It looks like The Wanky Times' favourite fatty has been a naughty boy!